I just finished these beauties the other night. Pretty cool way to spend some quality couch time with your entertainment system. Prices start at $200 a pair for original artwork added by yours truly. Be on the lookout for new models shortly.

Ben first saw it by pure accident. Usually he takes Colma Avenue to connect the never ending series of events in his life. But today there was road work, nothing but brake lights and shaking heads all the way down the line. He could see the dusty residue of a concrete saw turning the whole scene into some kind of apocalyptic snapshot. It could have been the heat that forced his hand to jerk the wheel, it might have been the dust, but regardless of what forced him from his familiar path it was a move that would permanently change his world.

The heat and dust combined with his broken AC created a lust in his throat he hadn’t felt since his childhood. Another red light, this one was a cyclops burning into his forehead, and that’s when he saw it. Floating above the above the fence like a crazy dream, a ceramic ice cream cone. It was exactly what he desired and there it was just sitting in the sky with a cherry on top. He lurched his beaten heap into the lot and now saw the device that held the cone on a pedestal. The Pedestal was a dilapitated old stand, barely big enough for two bodies to occupy simoutaneously. The roof was faded green, wooden shingles that reminded him of Snoopy’s dog house. Below that the body of the shack: faded pink with thin, dirty white trim. There was a window for ordering shaped like the silhouette of an ice-cream sundae. Above the window hung seperate letters spelling out a word that wouldn’t ever leave Ben’s head: UGLY’s. The lowercase “s” threw him the hardest, now he just had to see what the fuck this place was about. He slung the trannie into park and searched for an “Open” sign. Nothing in site. No sign of life either, no matter if he didn’t investigate it would eat him all day.

As he approached the spot he saw something dark and small move inside. Maybe ice-cream was in his future, and damnitt if he didn’t deserve it. “Hello”? More movement but no response. “Hey you open?” The figure remained hidden behind a stack of food supplies “Yeah, gimmie a second” the haggled voice of woman echoed. Ben’s heart raced as his mind began to explore every variety of ice-cream that ever touched his lips plus a few that hadn’t. Berry dream, Cinnibon, patato chip, Pesto, bubble-gum, red licorice, brandy, banana mousse, triple dark chip w/ five kinds of nuts, rasenberry, snauzeberry, fairy goo, golden prelains, cookie monster, blood orang- “What is it?” A voice came disintegrating his ice-cream dreams. Ben’s head whipped up to her, an older woman, or perhaps just old. She had matted hair, wrinkled puffy cheeks and a double chin. Her eyes still sparkled but she didn’t smile, nor frown. Ben wondered if this was Ugly? By all accounts she wasn’t gorgeous but at the same time wasn’t unpleasant enough to be called ugly, even when she wasn’t smiling. The whole thing was suprisingly perplexing. “Any special flavors today?” “We don’t do Kosher.” “I’m not Jewish. What’s your best flavor?” The woman began to wipe the counter with a dirty rag “Polish.” I’ve never tried polish ice-cream before, what’s it like?” She stopped mid wipe, a smile creeping along her mouth “we don’t serve ice-cream, haven’t in 12 years.” Ben’s dreams melted away from his soul. He took two big steps directly back and cracked his neck upward. “what the hell is that then?” “false advertising.” “Is this some trick? I totally had my heart set on an icy, creamy treat and now I’m lost.” “I’m totally upset about it, Ugly’s serves dogs, nothing else. Ask anyone in the neighborhood.” “shit.” Ben mumbled to himself. “What’s the matter, you don’t like dogs?” “I’m more of a cat person.” “Pussy.” “Excuse me?” “You’re a pussy lover.” “I’ve never heard it put quite that way before but, yeah I guess I am.” “what’s your cat’s name, or do you have more than one?” “Well, actually… I don’t have a cat.” “Now who’s false advertising?” “I don’t go around wearing a hat with a ceramic cat sitting on top.” “Maybe you should, you might actually get some.” “Oh, I get it, you’re ugly on the inside.” “With a hard chocolate shell, so you wanna suck on a dog or what? I’ll throw in a free lemonade, best on the block.” “That’s a safe bet, fine. Gimme’ a Polish with the works.” “One rumble fish for the sarcastic no pussy boy. Be up in 10.” “That’s a long time to wait for a meat product that’s pretty much ready to eat since it came into existence isn’t it?” “I said 10.”

Welcome to the meat market! How may we serve you?

The dog’s yaps were distant but loud enough to jump-start the mechanical headache machine back to life. Rolling onto his back Dan wondered why he said yes to the champagne, it always did him dirty. As he rubbed his brow he felt a painful pocket of puss along his eyebrow ridge line. Seconds later he was leaning over the bathroom counter and squeezing white substance free, exploding like a bloody volcano. He wasn’t finished, now came the truly satisfying part, squeezing out the deep hidden reserves to insure a quick recovery. Dan had made the mistake before of squeezing the bejesus out of his face only to find it empty and leaving a nasty bruise behind. He felt carefully, his intuition told him there was more. He squeezed on, sure enough a generous glob tumbled out of the throbbing crater. “Jackpot” Dan exclaimed.

He turned the water to cold, waited a moment and splashed it over his face again and again. He left his face wet as he went downstairs and outside to get the paper. He liked the way the fresh air would catch the wetness on his skin, cooling his epidermis to life. Out on the street things were quite, it was 5:15 in the morning after all. The suburban sprawl was lit by a shadowless purple light that hung like a blanket over all. Just then the paperboy Mac cruised by throwing the morning paper into Dan’s driveway. He looked at Dan but didn’t wave.

jake kickin' it in Capitola just as the sun goes bang

When are these old dinosaurs of industry going to get with the program? I just finished watching season 2 of Breaking bad, every new episode was ready to go by the following day the show aired on AMC. In our connected times Showtime sure looks ancient by denying cableless viewers the option to buy their newest shows on iTunes and or Amazon. Just pisses me off.

In other news my friends and I went hog wild with my new pair of hot pink vans. Everyone agreed I couldn’t get away wearing them straight pink, so away we doodled into the wee hours of the night. Thanks Nealie, Trav, Keith & Chelsea! I think I might buy another pair and do this again, most fun I’ve had with fashion in memory! I highly recommend it.

When pens and friends get together over drinks, many drinks.

Just got back into town this morning from my trip to Montana. 3:30 this morning to be exact. It was a good trip but the mini van seemed to shrink on the way back to Cali. Probably because my little sis stowed away behind a bag of dirty laundry. Just kidding we let her catch a ride and she even drove a good chunk of the trip, thus earning her keep. The thing is that for every extra hour you’re in the car without stopping to eat or sleep it becomes exponentially more uncomfortable. After a week of having no comfortable place to sit due to my sister’s short sightedness of her guests needs I found myself without a relaxing place to just sit and think. Oh what a simple joy I had taken for granted! Without the ability to find a safe place to rest my bum I felt… well homeless. The fact that my ant was snoring louder than a lumber factory a few feet away, sprawled out on the hardwood really didn’t help with the discomfort. Oh well sacrifice is what family is all about. That being said I am sooo looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight.

Aside from living in a one room hostile like a sleeper terrorist cell waiting for the call the trip wasn’t half bad. Met some cool people, drank a lot and hiked up Mt. Sentinel twice! The air was so fresh there and the sunlight hung in the air to almost 10 o’clock every night. I had plenty of time to plan out my summer goals and projects so it was productive as well.

Tomorrow being my first official day back in town I’m gonna go watch Dexter eat ice cream and fall into a sleep so pure that it’s gonna make newborn babies jealous. Also finished final cut of “No Brainer” up to Youtube. I’m gonna start spreading it around this weekend. Feel free to join in… on the spreading part, …of “No Brainer” …if you want.